Sunday, July 16, 2017

Daily Affirmations


Today’s category: Stupidity
Daily Affirmations
      – As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.

      – I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

      – I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

      – I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

      – In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

      – Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

      – My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

      – I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.

      – I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

      – Joan of Arc heard voices too.

      – I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

      – I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

      – As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

      – When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

      – The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

      – As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

      – All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.

      – I am at one with my duality.

      – Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

      – I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

      – Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

      – Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to incessant nagging?

      – Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

      – False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

      – A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

      – Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

      – Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute… I’ll find someone.

      – Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

      – The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

      – I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

      – Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step – blaming my parents.

      – To understand all is to fear all.

      – I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.

      – The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.

      – My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?

      – To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.

      – I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.


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Date: July 16, 2017 at 09:07PM
From: “ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day”
via original RSS feed: http://ift.tt/2u0gJI6
Reposted by: To Live Like Jesus Clothing Company
Category: Joke of the Day

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