Today’s category: Stupidity
– As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my Inner Sociopath.
– I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
– I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
– I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
– In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
– Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
– My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
– I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
– I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
– Joan of Arc heard voices too.
– I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.
– I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
– As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.
– When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
– The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.
– As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
– All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and disgusting parts.
– I am at one with my duality.
– Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.
– I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.
– Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
– Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to incessant nagging?
– Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."
– False hope is nicer than no hope at all.
– A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
– Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.
– Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute… I’ll find someone.
– Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?
– The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.
– I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
– Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step – blaming my parents.
– To understand all is to fear all.
– I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
– The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am not home.
– My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?
– To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.
– I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
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Date: July 16, 2017 at 09:07PM
From: “ChristiansUnite Christian Joke of the Day”
via original RSS feed: http://ift.tt/2u0gJI6
Reposted by: To Live Like Jesus Clothing Company
Category: Joke of the Day
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